BLOOMING

The labor of your love is
blooming all around
my hips
my thighs
my swollen lips.
With soft cries you announce
the deed is done
golden thread
spun through my degradation.

EVERY WORD

I have never
and would never,
but with you I try so hard
in every glance,
every word,
I love you, I love you, I love you.
There is no rhyme or reason,
there is only this demon.
There is only this filofax of ruin,
a contact list of despair,
and I can't look, I can't seek,
I can't find
anyone who compares to you
because you are my ruin, my desolation.
You make of me nothing
and you fill me with everything
and all the stars in the sky
are dim in comparison,
and it's you.
I love you, I love you, I love you,
and I try so hard to hide it,
but with every word,
with every glance
I love you, I love you, I love you.
Every word is I love you.

COMING

Serendipidous rush -
She,
somewhere inside of her,
knows it's coming.
Rumbling reverberation
at her core.
A rhythmic
circling flush
in the atoms of her very being.
She,
somewhere inside of her,
knows it's coming.
Her body is a track,
His message a transit,
Her heart a tunnel
through which he will pass.
She,
somewhere inside of her,
knows it's coming -
Inevitable crash.

SUBSERVIENCE

I kneeled at your feet
and bathed them with the silk
sun-split ends of my hair
and the salty sweetness
of my tears.

I kneeled at your feet
-subservient to-
for love.

And you
patted my head, sent me away.
And you
-whom I ws subservient to-
Threw stones at me, kicked me away.

And I
watched you thin,
your flesh, your hair,
the color from your eyes,
I watched them grow dim.

And I,
with grim humor
laughed at your demise,
the failure of your romance,
and washed my hair
free of your soil(soot, filth).

JUST FORGET

Do you feel like I
Abandoned you, like your father
Do you? Yeah do you?

Do I make you cry
On lonely nights when stars won't shine
Do I? Oh do I?

Do I make you feel sad
Do I remind you of...

Do you wish you'd never met me way back when?
Does the memory of me hurt you inside?
Do you wish you could hide?
Curl up and just forget.
Curl up and just forget you met me
Way back when.

Do you feel like I
Left you there high and so dry?
Do you? Yeah do you?

Do I remind you
Of quiet nights on swinging chairs
Do I? Oh do I?

Do I make you feel sad
Do I remind you of...

Do you wish you'd never met me way back when?
Does the memory of me hurt you inside?
Do you wish you could hide?
Curl up and just forget.
Curl up and just forget you met me.

I'm sorry you
I never meant you no harm
I'm just a little fucked up myself
Ya know

I'm sorry you
I never meant you no harm
I'm just a little fucked up myself
Ya know

So curl up and just forget
Curl up and just forget you met me.
Curl up...yeah curl up.
Just forget way back when.

STARS AND DIRT

You turn to me (you turn to me)
your wings a leathery black
you turn to me (you turn and say)
and say
"Look not to the skies for salvation,
Look not to the skies
in fear of damnation,
Look to the north
look east, west, south...
but don't look up and don't look down
for all you'll see are stars and dirt"
Don't look down when you jump.
"My love looked down once, long ago"
said his dog-headed companion,
"she fell and drowned in an abyss of tortured
souls, and light too bright for her poor eyes
to filter. She died blind and deaf to the cries that matter."
I don't know what any of this has to do with me.
I am only hear to record, to see
when the world ends, I want to watch
as it burns, a dying star,
a decaying, hungry thing, this earth.
I want to watch the world turn to nothing.
I want it to look like what it really is.

Recycled Tears

You are the cold, the wet sliding feeling
the pattering, ever gentle rolling down my flesh
you are that insistent nuzzle,
the hardening state you put me in
is the same as the
drip drip
falling incandescent life
Recycled tears.
What is in a tear?
What brings forth the saltwater
drip drip
falling incandescent death
Recycled fears?
You roll down my spine, the arch in my back
can it now define
the divine?
You are the cold, the wet sliding feeling
the pattering, ever gentle rolling down my flesh
you are that insistent nuzzle,
the hardening state you put me in
is the same as the
drip drip
falling incandescent life
Recycled tears.

AN INTERLUDE WITH DEATH

What do you say to Death when he's standing beside you,
his bony, time worn hand stretched beseechingly toward you?
The gesture is almost comforting,
almost gentle.
The pleading of a lover, the insistence of a friend.
Do you tell him "No, not today,"
Do you tell him "Never, go away!"?
Can one evade Death like taxes or the Dentist?
Where would we be without an end?
The story would just never stop...
what a bore!
Death stood at my shoulder the other day
whispering sweet somethings in my ear.
They weren't words that one could hear, but I felt them loud and clear.
Death said to me, he said,
"Happiness, erase the sadness with my embrace,"
Death sang, "Come, end this pointless race...
come with me and we shall dance.
We shalll dance among the stars
We shall dance beneath the seas
We shall dance beyond it all and back again."
What do you say to an offer like that?
What do you say to Death when he's standing beside you,
his bony, time-worn hand stretched beseechingly toward you?
Can one just say "NO" to his tender caress?
Well, I shook my head, sorrow deep in my voice
I said, "I can't right now, but soon, someday soon we shall dance."
Death kissed me regretfully on the mouth
and that is why the complacent always flee from my words.
My love returns to me someday, to take me close and far away
He comes for you also,
so dress nicely, and practice your waltz.

VACANCY

sometimes I lie on the dirt
your dirt
with the tiny blades of grass scratching at my arms
tickling my nose
the bugs climbing my arms
wandering in my hair
the wind whispering at my ear
I dream that I've sunken
down to you
past the six feet of dirt
through the cement
through your wooden, silk lined cradle.
I dream of sleeping safely
within your arms.
you are long dead, but it comforts me still.
you are dead, but you are mine.
is it possible for the living to haunt the dead?
i sit upon your gravesone and feel like a ghost,
i listen to the breeze
groan with the trees
i'm always near at night.
i think perhaps your soul,
that tenacious ever charcoal thing
has vacated the premises
...so i haunt your grave in your absence.
sometimes as i sit under those cold, impartial stars,
that mysterious orb named Moon,
i imagine a great wolf attacking from the shadows.
could it be Anubis,
that dog-headed underworld god?
"GO AWAY," says the Wind,
or when the Wind's at play
does it rather mean, "STAY"?
you haunt my memory, my tumultously intangible dreams,
but who's the real ghost,
you or me?

NOTHING = EVERYTHING

I am everything that makes the soul wish to die.
I am loneliness, remorse, disappointment, depression, disillusionment, the unforgivable lie.
I am everything that can kindle and oppress.
I am art, I am pasion, I am unbridled love, and distress.
I am the very embodiment of the unfettered caress.
I will love you and I will scorn you
I will praise and I will mourn you
I will teach and I will learn
I will make you shiver and burn
I am everything you'll ever need, but I am nothing.
I am the void in your soul.
I am the silence, the gaping hole in-between conversations, the gnawing sense of unfinished business.
I am everything that makes the soul wish to die, and I will haunt you when you are dead.

THE IDEALISTIC DRUNK

will I ever recover my
uninhibited dreams?
can childhood fantasies revisit the soul
when it's dark and filled with tar and hate?
I want to live the life unheard of
I want to be known and adored
love me love me love me
DON'T LOOK AT ME DON'T LOOK AT ME
flashing signs, ringing in my ears
dizzy tumult of sound and oppressive
ADULT.
Space...
why can't I transgress one more time
i just want one more kiss
bliss is just an illusion
a simple dream to comfort the idealistic retards
like cotton candy
cupcakes
chocolate milk
pie
kitten cats
just another lie to keep the masses
-DON'T LOOK AT ME DON'T LOOK AT ME-
the ringing in my ears...
If you could be another person
If you could live another life
Who would you be, what would you do,
and why can't it be you now?

ORAL FIXATION

I want to lick the chocolate from your mouth
Like I'd lick the spoon after mixing
I want to lick that corner where your lips end
And my desire begins.
That unnoticed corner consumes me
For whole seconds, and minutes of the day.
You consume me in an obsessive way
That seems to have no clear beginning
And no end in sight
Lick, nibble, bite
Would you taste like vanilla?
Would you taste like rum?
Would you taste better than chocolate
On the tip of my tongue?
Your lips entrance me,
It's all I can do to break my gaze away
From that unnoticed corner,
Where the chocolate lingers,
Where the sweetness resides.
Whole seconds, minutes of my day
Fixated on you
The secret corners you keep
I want to lick them away.

FRIGID BITCH

She's so afraid of what could be
And she's so afraid of what will never be,
She's so afraid,
She's so afraid.
The cold seeps deeper, so much deeper
Than skin deep
And the frost it lingers inside her heart
Because she's so afraid of what could be
So afraid of what will never be
Inside her heart.
There are all of the could've been's
And should've done's
That will never go away,
All of the reckless opportunities wasted
In that backward glance,
And she'll never get them back.
She remembers the sound of his heart at her ear
The way her breathing matched his
The way his warmth melted her down,
And she's so afraid of what could've been,
So afraid of what will never be,
So afraid of what there is now
Inside her heart.
She's so afraid,
She's so afraid
To let it all out,
She's so afraid to shout
And move on in a world that makes her shiver,
In a world that makes her cry.
Maybe if she doesn't speak,
Maybe if she keeps it all under lock
Then everything will be forgotten...
She's so easily forgotten...
She's so afraid,
She's so afraid,
She's so afraid to live.

DEVASTATION

If I devastate you,
Will it make me feel better?
If I pretend to hate you
Will it make easier the loss
Of your touch
That I love so much,
Those secret looks
When your eyes have hooks?
If I lie to you
And degrade your perception of me,
Will it be a lighthearted matter,
Me, the condom wrapper?
At least you'll never know
That you really broke my heart.
At least you'll never see
How much you devastate me.
It might have been a car crash
But at least I'll be the one driving away
While you're stuck bleeding behind the wheel.
If I devastate you,
It may not make me feel better,
But it just may make you feel worse.

SOUR

Discordant without remorse
A sour sound
Where do we go to now?
The melody is gone
And so is the soul.
Embittered black hole
Is all that's left.

A LONG WAY

We've come such a long way
From where I thought we would stay
We've come such a long way,
But we've also taken two steps back.
We tread a dangerous path,
How do I know?
This is a path that has been throdden before
And will be much more
Before life ceases to exist
And breathing is eternally a misdemeanor.
The end is destruction.
The end is me with a knife in my heart,
And you with bloody hands.
I don't wanna be your good time,
'Cause good times end.
I want to be your favorite ride,
Your addiction by prescription,
Your best friend.
We've come such a long way
From where I thought we would stay,
But is a long drop off a cliff a better place
Than where we began?
It began when you licked my lips,
But it ends with the bittersweet kiss
Of you tiring of me.
It ends with the ebb and flow
Of the tide named time,
And the emotion called "Lack of Devotion."
We've come such a long way
From where I thought we would stay
Your tongue at my ear ended my silence
But began something more destructive,
more potentially nihil.
The end is near, can't you feel it?
It ends wehn something better catches your eye.
It ends with the bittersweet kiss
Of you tiring of me.

WATCHING THE STARS DIE

You and I should sit and watch the stars die
Watch them burn away with me.
I know you have your inconsistencies
But you can be so very sweet
And I want you and I to watch time fade together.
We have so much more in common
When the world is inky black
Our souls they inky match
When we lie beneath the universe
And contemplate our existence.
I love it when you and I watch the stars die.
I can almost hear them weep
I can almost hear them scream
As I listen too intently
To the silence that lies so heavily between us.
Yes, the universe disdains our inconsistent ways
But we can be so very sweeet.
And I want you and I to watch time fade together.
I want us to watch the stars die forever.
Please, let's watch them burn away,
Come burn it all away with me.

THE MEMORY OF YOU

There's still the memory of you
That lingers on my lips
You linger on my lips
And though I try I can't forget
Each and every moment
When you brought me away
From the silence and the pain
With your smile
With your charm
With your warm arm wrapped around me
There's still some warmth left behind
Inside me
There's a fire, a burning within for you
For you
To never kindle again.

USING YOU

You are the syringe
I plunge into my flesh
Under my skin,
You get under my skin
But he is my heroin
And swims, The liquid life within.
He is my liquid life,
My heroin.
You are the black lace bra,
The fishnet covered thigh.
I use you to get him,
My means to an end,
But he is my heroin.
I love you I love you I love you
My dirty syringe
But you are only a means to an end.
He is my heroin.

THE ENDLESS FIGHT

The silence between us won't leave me alone
I can't escape your stony glare
I want more you say, you plead,
But what if this is all I have to give?
What if this is all that I can offer?
Will those pale fingers of yours still beckon for me in the night?
Will those awkward eyes of yours still look at me with inner sight?
Someday you will see there is so much more
To loving me.
I want more you say, you cry
But what if this is all I have to give?
Let me live, let me live.
I'd give it all away to you, I would
But this is all I have to give
The silence between us is the constant reminder
Of how I failed you and all your ne'er do wrong tendencies.
That cold stare, stony glare,
You are like the blackest night,
The endless fight.
Sword in hand, you cut me down and down and down
A dagger thrust and you have my heart;
You have always had my heart.
I want more you say, you weep, you die
I gave you all I had to give
Now let me live...
Let me live.
A dagger thrust and you have my heart;
You have always had my heart.