Crooked Hands

These crooked hands

The things they hold

Turn to ash

Never gold

My crooked fingers

Around your heart

Bleeding trash

Work of art.

This crooked grasp

Weakly grips

Will not smash

Slowly slips.

These crooked hands

The things they make

Sure to crack

Always fake.

Old Friend

Hello, old friend
Despair
It's been a while since
You crawled inside my chest
And reached your arms out
Wide.
You're welcome to my hopes and dreams
It was silly of me to have them
Anyway.

Bodies

Go on girl, you're in charge
Don't have to lie on your back to be somebody.
'Cause some body
Won't make you who you are.
You've the right to be more than just broken...

So stomp on the bodies that line up for you
Like a zombie horde waiting to devour you.
Take what they have and make it your own
You've got yourself, and you're not all alone.

Dog-pile Days

It's hard to accept that we are never going back
To the dog-pile carefree comfort of
Each other's bodies and laughter
Unreserved enthusiasm, unrestrained bluster
Secrets unfolded, examined, accepted.
In retrospect we are all an eternal summer,
A Kinkade cottage I wish to climb in and stay
But reality shows how fragmented we've become
Too betrayed and scarred to ever be the same.

Tacky Girl

Tacky girl
Your laughter is grating
Kindly give it a PG rating
And stop molesting my ears.
Cheesy predictable troll
Like a radio DJ, so loudly saying
Nothing of worth
And trying to cling to my
Sensible shoestrings
Tripping over your own
Badly shod hooves
Which reside orally.
So quickly you bray
At what any boy might say
As though that chalkboard feeling
Were somehow appealing.
And no color dress can
Compliment your lack of charm,
It's just a bit of fabric,
Not a piece of magic.
Cherie, listen to me,
That shade of desperation
Really isn't in this season.

Unforgiven

If I ever forgive you
What will that mean?
How can this resentment,
Hoarded up and stored
In jagged angry cages,
Ever just dissipate
Or blow away?

Such heavy matter must combust
To melt down and mold
Into something else altogether.

But this is all just speculation
For I never will absolve you
Even if I am crushed
By my own bitter trove.

Heart Of Gold

The problem with a heart of gold
Is how it's always bleeding
Bits of fortune everywhere
And someone's always needing
More and more for a low low cost
More attention, more tasteless feeding
And these demands will never cease
Until your heart has no more beating.

Crashing

When everything is going well
And the skies are clearing up
The weather's turning warm
And abundance is within reach

Just wait.

When the other shoe drops
You'll touch the broken glass and wonder
How you stay put together
When everything else

Crashes down.

Desire

You think you deserve me
As though I were some prize
Given for your acts of mediocrity.
You merely desire me
Like a child in the candy aisle
But your desire means less to me
Than a sticky bag of taffy.
Your desire deserves nothing.
And no one will ever deserve me.

Heavy Old Sweater

I will always feel like this
I have always felt like this
This is all I can feel
This feeling is all I can think of
And your questions fly past me
And your worry is muffled
Because your smiles are noisy
And I don't want to hear your pity
I don't want to be consoled
I just want to wrap this heavy old sweater
This heavy old feeling around me
And stop.

Only In Dreams

When I feel like dancing
I can dance to anything
And when I feel like drowning
I sink so deep I'll never be clean.
But now I feel like sleeping
To disappear in dreams.

Excuses

I'm creative.
I need a lot of sleep.
I'd rather spend my time
On something deep.
It doesn't bother me.
Can't find it if it's put away,
Plus it feels so empty.
Cleaning every day is crazy!

But mostly I'm just lazy.

Piece By Piece

Here's a piece of my body
Shyly, selectively showcased
For your admiration or scorn.
I watch your face intently(discreetly)
Not wanting to know, but needing
...validation?
Something not given freely
Since prodigious youth.

Here's a piece of my mind
I cringingly offer for your amusement.
My self-sense, bipolar and distorted.
Here is my pride.
And here are my failures.

Here is a piece of my heart,
Though it may only seem a song,
This is the tune that runs through me.
If the tone and the timbre
Could only convey-
You would know me.

Piece by piece you would know me.

Stippled Ceiling

I lie on the floor and listen to Nina Simone
Break my already broken heart
I listen to her wail, her moan
Staring at my stippled ceiling

Her voice makes me feel a little less alone
The spinning stops and I start
Making a song of my own
Until my heart starts healing

Older

Everybody's growing up
But I'm just growing older
Never really known true love
My heart's just growing colder
I've known obsession and regret
I've had a couple friends like you.

Now it's almost Spring again
When everything begins, renews
But I have always hated Spring
For everything we lose.
With all this growing up
I keep on losing you

To the day after day after day after days
And all this growing up
Leaves less time for magic
And mythos and adventure.
I just want some mystery to remain
I hope you do too.

At Least

You make me feel such joy
And I know it's just a
Chemical reaction
But it's surging through me
I'm taking/making action
Just a bouncing faceless fan
But I know we all are
In love with at least four men.

Little Things

Under your thumb
I learn your many faces
Dragged to all these different places
Each time I think they'll change
This time for the better
I really should know better

But it's the little hopes
The little things
I cling to when I'm little

Under your thumb
I learn to have no faces
A mask of self control replaces
Fear and hate and love exchange
This time is no better
It never gets any better

It gets a little worse
The little things
Are only getting bigger

I grow more defiant
The less that I'm reliant
And your ever changing favor
Leaves nothing left to savor
And the lessons may stay
But I'll never see your faces again.

It is the little dreams
The little things
That don't keep me so little.

Blackberry Indifference

If I could bottle the moment I fell
Out of love with your skinny lovely soul
I bet it would taste like blackberry wine
And indifference.
How fickle I must be to let
All of your adoring toothy smiles
Trickle through my fingers like diamonds
While clinging to my rhinestones.