DEVASTATION

If I devastate you,
Will it make me feel better?
If I pretend to hate you
Will it make easier the loss
Of your touch
That I love so much,
Those secret looks
When your eyes have hooks?
If I lie to you
And degrade your perception of me,
Will it be a lighthearted matter,
Me, the condom wrapper?
At least you'll never know
That you really broke my heart.
At least you'll never see
How much you devastate me.
It might have been a car crash
But at least I'll be the one driving away
While you're stuck bleeding behind the wheel.
If I devastate you,
It may not make me feel better,
But it just may make you feel worse.

SOUR

Discordant without remorse
A sour sound
Where do we go to now?
The melody is gone
And so is the soul.
Embittered black hole
Is all that's left.

A LONG WAY

We've come such a long way
From where I thought we would stay
We've come such a long way,
But we've also taken two steps back.
We tread a dangerous path,
How do I know?
This is a path that has been throdden before
And will be much more
Before life ceases to exist
And breathing is eternally a misdemeanor.
The end is destruction.
The end is me with a knife in my heart,
And you with bloody hands.
I don't wanna be your good time,
'Cause good times end.
I want to be your favorite ride,
Your addiction by prescription,
Your best friend.
We've come such a long way
From where I thought we would stay,
But is a long drop off a cliff a better place
Than where we began?
It began when you licked my lips,
But it ends with the bittersweet kiss
Of you tiring of me.
It ends with the ebb and flow
Of the tide named time,
And the emotion called "Lack of Devotion."
We've come such a long way
From where I thought we would stay
Your tongue at my ear ended my silence
But began something more destructive,
more potentially nihil.
The end is near, can't you feel it?
It ends wehn something better catches your eye.
It ends with the bittersweet kiss
Of you tiring of me.

WATCHING THE STARS DIE

You and I should sit and watch the stars die
Watch them burn away with me.
I know you have your inconsistencies
But you can be so very sweet
And I want you and I to watch time fade together.
We have so much more in common
When the world is inky black
Our souls they inky match
When we lie beneath the universe
And contemplate our existence.
I love it when you and I watch the stars die.
I can almost hear them weep
I can almost hear them scream
As I listen too intently
To the silence that lies so heavily between us.
Yes, the universe disdains our inconsistent ways
But we can be so very sweeet.
And I want you and I to watch time fade together.
I want us to watch the stars die forever.
Please, let's watch them burn away,
Come burn it all away with me.

THE MEMORY OF YOU

There's still the memory of you
That lingers on my lips
You linger on my lips
And though I try I can't forget
Each and every moment
When you brought me away
From the silence and the pain
With your smile
With your charm
With your warm arm wrapped around me
There's still some warmth left behind
Inside me
There's a fire, a burning within for you
For you
To never kindle again.

USING YOU

You are the syringe
I plunge into my flesh
Under my skin,
You get under my skin
But he is my heroin
And swims, The liquid life within.
He is my liquid life,
My heroin.
You are the black lace bra,
The fishnet covered thigh.
I use you to get him,
My means to an end,
But he is my heroin.
I love you I love you I love you
My dirty syringe
But you are only a means to an end.
He is my heroin.

THE ENDLESS FIGHT

The silence between us won't leave me alone
I can't escape your stony glare
I want more you say, you plead,
But what if this is all I have to give?
What if this is all that I can offer?
Will those pale fingers of yours still beckon for me in the night?
Will those awkward eyes of yours still look at me with inner sight?
Someday you will see there is so much more
To loving me.
I want more you say, you cry
But what if this is all I have to give?
Let me live, let me live.
I'd give it all away to you, I would
But this is all I have to give
The silence between us is the constant reminder
Of how I failed you and all your ne'er do wrong tendencies.
That cold stare, stony glare,
You are like the blackest night,
The endless fight.
Sword in hand, you cut me down and down and down
A dagger thrust and you have my heart;
You have always had my heart.
I want more you say, you weep, you die
I gave you all I had to give
Now let me live...
Let me live.
A dagger thrust and you have my heart;
You have always had my heart.

SPIDERWEBS

Spiderwebs make me think of you
The way you dance and move
The shimmer
The glimmer
The sadness in your eyes
I can't quite place that look
But it matches the disquiet in my
Heart.
Which silken strand
Do you cling to the most,
The one that is darkened by the shade,
The one a subtle hint of lavender jade?
The loss of hope,
The descent to despair,
The way you dance and move.
Spiderwebs make me think of you
How easy you are to hold on to,
How easily you fall apart.
The shimmer
The glimmer
And then you are gone.

LOVE DIES

I saw a glimpse of Heaven
In your eyes that day.
Or maybe it was Hell?
All I know is
It made me feel less
Grey.
I watched when you thought
No one could
See.
I watched you
Watching her
Watching me.
The sky was blue
The day I held you
Close to me.
Now we hold each other
Like corpses hold a conversation.
The stench carries on the breeze
Lurid smiles adorning the
Skeletal guise.
Who knows why love dies.
I felt you more those days
When I was far away
Than I can now
Touching you,
Your hand in mine is devoid of soul.
I look in your eyes
And my Heaven (or was it Hell?)
is gone.
Pieces of you
Have died away
Have left you
Like you left me, when I let you leave me
Behind.
My voice
Which withered away in your company
Has returned to me,
But your eyes still look so lonely.
There is nothing left in your eyes for me...
Lurid smiles...
Skeletal guise...
There is nothing left in your eyes.
Who knows why love dies.

LIKE A HEART

A rose is like a heart
It's crimson hue, it's elegant protection,
Subtle deception,
But so easily plucked in the light of day.
So easily thrown away.

HONEY

The pretty butterflies are drawn to you,
You paint such pretty pictures
in thier hazy minds.
Everything about you is
Sweet like honey.
So in they dip their pretty
feet.
-If only young hearts could understand
That love is just a game-
They drink your nectar sweet
-If you were a snake it'd be venom-
drip, agonizing drip.
Happily they lap lap lap
with their pretty little tongues
until satiation finds them.
-You are never satisfied-
They flutter their pretty wings
as if they could keep your eyes.
-silly butterflies-
They preen, surrounded by your pungent sweetness.
-Your glance is a thousand red roses-
Their wings flutter flutter flutter
too late to escape your sticky grasp.
The brilliant wings catch on your honey
and fall to pieces.
Their screams will always haunt me.
Empty eyes stare out of
Honey-glazed sockets,
Carmelized tributes to happier days
and hautier spirits.
-We never think we'll be the ones to get caught-
-You never suspect it's you who could
Drown in his sweet kiss,
His viscous embrace-
Even butterflies can drown in honey.

DANCE WITH ME

It's funny how everything can fall apart
But still your life goes on.
And there's the gaping hole
That never goes away.
Nothing ever fills it,
It grows larger every day
Consuming every part of you
'Til you're amorphous and grey.
You suck the joy from every situation
Just by being there.
You're a waste of air.
Every moment is me, waiting.
Maybe it's for you to save me from myself.
Maybe it's to die.
I'm waiting for you to smile at me
So maybe I can cry
And everything will be alright.
Tell me someday someone will love me.
Tell me someday someone will understand.
Dance with me, come on, take my hand.

EAT

I'll eat your sorrow
Won't chuck it up.
No bulimia for me,
Bulimia is not the answer.
Neither is Anorexia,
B/c don't ya know
It wrecks your life.
I'll eat your madness
Like chocolate cake.
It's richness might overwhelm me
But I wont chuck it up
B/c bulimia is not the answer.
I'm full of you
And your depravity.
I wish you'd do the same for me
Cuz your lookin' thin
And anorexia is not the answer,
But bulimia might be.
No, that's not right.
In any case
Eat! Damnit! Eat!

PRETTY

I felt like being pretty today
So I layered on the black nail-polish,
It sparkles in a most seemly way,
Like asphalt on a sunny day.
I painted pretty lines around my eyes
To make the shadows less stark,
To make my eyes less dead.
I wore my favorite shirt, black shoes,
My most flattering pair of pants
So no one can tell how uncomfortable I am inside.
I slathered on the glitter
To be magical and all things mystery
But there is no magic in the world
And that's the only mystery that interests me.
I wore my hair in a dark curtain
To hide behind when life makes me ache,
But my roots are growing out
And all I feel is fake.
My poise is fabrication.
My laughter a facade.
I feel less real than Peter Pan,
Less read than a dictionary in the ghetto.
I felt like being pretty today,
But no amount of paint
Could cover the rot inside.

UNDERSTANDING

Nobody really ever understands,
No matter how they say they do,
Nobody could possibly understand all the intricacies of you.
They'll never know your every motivation,
They'll never see your every slight depression,
They'll never look deeper than they want,
They'll never hear anything that isn't said.
No matter how they say they do,
Nobody could possibly understand
All the intricacies of you.
If they say they understand
They're lying,
'Cause lying comes naturally
When you think you own empathy.
All the sympathetic stares in the world
Won't make me believe them.
They don't understand because they're not you.
No matter how they say they do,
Nobody could possibly understand
All the intricacies of you.
...nobody ever really understands.

FADE

The wind tugs with grasping fingers
I can feel myself
Almost
Fading away.
It's a slow thing
But no one notices,
No one cares.
Slowly I become nobody,
If I was ever anyone at all.
Slowly I become nothing
Like Echo,
Just the faintest whisper in your ear,
The slightest breeze upon your skin.
My kisses are the ignored chill
Upon your spine.
I am nothing but a memory,
A ghost of something
That might've been
ReaL.
The wind grasps with tugging, needy
Fingers
And I let myself
Fade away.

YIELD TO THE SIGN

My friend likes pink
He's a super cool guy
Almost black hair angled over one eye.
"I like your sleeves, they're really big,"
He says to me.
I think it's meant to be an innuendo.
YIELD to the sign
You're welcome to what's not mine
YIELD to the sign
You'll never have what's mine.
"You don't push my go fast button,"
He says to me.
But that's fine, just fine
Bloody fucking swell, in fact.
I like carrots, but peas are also good
I don't think I'm thinking the way I should.
YIELD to the sign
You're welcome to what's not mine
YIELD to the sign
You'll never have what's mine.
This isn't really life,
It's just what it pretends to be.
I don't really care
And I only seem to see,
But my friend really is a super cool guy
Who likes pink.

FLIRTATION

A smile,
Flip the hair,
Work that glossy mane like you mean it.
A grin,
A teasing remark,
Hands all aflutter,
A mutual attraction.
One blonde, one brunette.
Neither too worried about menstruation.

SOUR

Discordant without remorse
A sour sound
Where do we go to now?
The melody is gone
And so is the soul.
Embittered black hole
Is all that's left.

ONE SWIFT INTAKE

Collective breaths of the masses
One swift intake
exhale
eyes drying out of their wide open sockets
sweat stark against their pallid faces
Silent screams echoing
resounding within
Rigid spines
Hands clenched upon themselves
tight fists to ward away what connot be physically fought
Internal shout.
The masses tightly smile and nod their pale head
at the thing they will never understand
Inexplicable fear.
It drives the masses
hearts pounding with unnecessary rage,
Anger fear hate.
One swift intake
exhale.