Pain

Pain can be a meditation

When given the indulgence of time

And there is no relief.

Abandon

I miss the wild self abandon,

The mindless petty rampage

Of an endless dialogue bequeathed

To unremembered acquaintances.

The luxuriance of an outspoken opinion,

The brevity of a concern.

I miss the feeling of being

The permission to be

Me, but more me

Me, but less me

Me, but not me.

I don't miss the hangover.

Corruption

An elegant corruption of the truth

(to be sure)

Not with subtlety,

But through blunt force trauma

-ungrounded accusation.

A flurry of absurdity

And grandiose proclamations

Turn into undeniable

Encouragement of murder

Idiocy and prejudice.

A bleak and undesirable future

To look backwards to.

The Goblet

Balance a goblet full of sorrow
On your head until the morrow
With dignity and grace
Hold a steady pace
And smile like
 it isn't 
there
Fitted snug upon your hair
Waiting to tip over.

Woven

I look out to the ocean and see

A finely woven tapestry of

The sheerest gauze overlaid with

Beaded organza winking under the sun

Waves of lace fluttering at my toes.

She beckons to me in a (quiet, soothing) roar

To become one with her composition.

I, who have known many fabrics, but am made of

Flesh and blood and bones and breath.

But also I am filled with her.

My skin prickles under the winds behest

And yearns for her to enfold me.

To fill my pockets with precious stones and

Welcome the embrace of her depths

Like a child returning to her mother's womb.

Philosophy?

What have I been up to lately?

How to explain the curiously busy task

Of self reflection, regulation, maintenance

The privilege of a daydream?

Or the purely masterbatory amount of time

Spent in contemplation? 

How to justify that arguing with oneself

Could be a hobby, anxiety a sport?

How to convey the exhaustion 

of such an incorporeal productivity?

It all sounds so vague and conceited.

Is it philosophy or self flagellation?

"Not much, and you?"

Love Her

She was fearless

And she was brave.

She fought battles

She was too young to fight.

All her damage

Made her strong in the end.

And I love her now,

Even though I didn't love her then.

4 Star Review

It's a little bit La Femme Nikita

A little bit lesbian

And a little bit heartbreaking in the end.

I wanted my villain to win

I wanted the girl to get the girl

To live chaotically ever after

The End.

Lost

What is lost in our steady decline
Is not written on the skin in prose
Or felt in the bones and their grinding decay
It is in the slow and sudden loss of anticipation
For things just beyond our ken.
So lost are we in practical things
We forget the magic we hold within
And the world that knows us tomorrow
Will never guess the wonders
Throbbing beneath our skin
Or the secret places we once saw everywhere.
It is essential to never lose such wonder,
But every trudging day, it slips farther away
Until suddenly we are all grown up.

Fragments

This is all I have for you,

Fragments of a larger work

That I may never do.

Incomplete

Clove cigarettes in the summer heat

The coffee bitter, the orange juice sweet

Our emotions overripe, falling from the trees

Mourning a life so stunning 

And incomplete.

Breaking

I am always breaking

Everyday.

You break me down

I break away.

I break my own heart

Over every word you don't say.

Uncomfortable

Uncomfortable in this skin

Uncomfortable in this body

Uncomfortable with this spine

Don't tell me to be comfortable

Just because it's mine.

Too small too tight too

Painful

Too itchy too soft too

Hateful

Don't tell me to be

Grateful.

Easy

Time passes softly without you

And I don't know who I am

Or how I got here

Or why I alone am so easy to lose.

Baptism

I have found myself changed

Born again in your love

And now without you I wonder

Who the fuck have I become?

Ready

If my heart were ready to find

Maybe you would have heard it

Beating for you

You would have felt it skip

When you walked in the room.

Knife

There are times my body yearns

To be used like a knife

Cutting through the world

Sharp, unstoppable, feared.

Instead it lies on the sink edge

Balanced on possibility.

Beyond

Beyond

Every

Twinkling

Star

You are eternal.

Tin Cans

I'll send you a letter by paper plane

If you float me back a message in a bottle

Call me with your tin cans and a string

I'll get back to you by pigeon wing

Oh, somehow, some way

We'll get in touch again

Oh, somehow, someday

We will meet again.

What Is Left?

But what is left to say?

After I decide I'm done

Being treated this way

What is left to say?

After I decide I'm done 

Going on this way

What is left to say?

All this time I went with the flow

All this time I'd just go where you go

And I'd just do what you want to do

Because at least I was with you

But now I'm done, done, done

And what is left to say?