Decadence

And so my decade of decadence

Has come to a close

And nothing I have left

Is worth keeping

Not memories

Or friends

Or worn old party clothes.

Dissent

When happiness seems too hard,

I choose to experience everything else;

All the small cruelties of life,

All the bizarre and broken people.

I swim comfortably through the bilge,

At home with the feeling of unrest.

Riotous, lazy, malcontent,

Be safe in my harbor of dissent.

If I May

Don't kill yourself in May
They'll bury you on a sunny day
Loved ones squinting in dismay.
The summer will steal your heat
Tacky sandals on the feet
Of your sweaty pallbearers.

But if you must,
(Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust)
Dearly departed,
You are a cunt.

The Fool

Beginning something new.

Taking a risk with hope.

I'm just The Fool

In your deck.

Another ship to wreck.

Untethered

Once you were mine

But now you have floated from me

Like an untethered balloon

Up and away

To dance with the clouds.

Co-Dependent

I entrusted to you

Every terrible inch

Of my heart or soul

Or whatever it is that

Makes a person a person.

I was a selfish child

Wanting only the best of your love

Always.

The most space in your life,

As much as you could give,

More.

But I wanted only what I gave

Without limit, without restriction,

Forever.

I was a foolish child.

There is no trust so free

So blind, so grand, so true

Only dependency too great

To see beyond the homes

We make of our companions.

Peace and Quiet

 There is now a quiet and a calm

(I can't stand it;

It drives me insane).

And I sink into it,

Burrowing further and further

And farther away from

The drama of others lives.

I cocoon myself from everyone,

And the riot turns to rest

And I'm sleeping in tomorrow,

And the next day,

And the next.

I Hate Florida

I hate Florida
Too much sun and sand
And the palm trees depress me
Stucco houses be damned!
I hate Florida.

Tattooed leather skins
Tobacco stained grins
And neon everything
Like all the worst parts of the 80's
In a gun shaped sauna.
I hate Florida.

Hot, humid, vaporous air
Choking me into submission.
Fat, pale tourists
Riding bicycles in thongs
Everything here is wrong.
I hate Florida.

Everyone in the Midwest loves it
But I am far above it
The afternoon monsoon
The midday decay
The lizards climbing every wall
I'd gladly forget it all,
But the sunsets really are stunning.

I still hate Florida.

A Burning Thing

You've always believed love to be
A burning thing
That leaves you seared
And inevitably scarred.
Believed it merely the price to pay
To stay warm in another's arms.

You put yourself last
Because they tell you that's what love is
And though no love is perfect
There are moments that feel so pure,
The fights that leave you crying
Are just moments to endure.

From afar I see you love yourself
Less and less
While building a fence around
That precious love nest
Of lies and baubles, you fight to defend.

I can't stand to watch it.
I can't bear it, my friend.

Profane

A word is just a word
Unless you hurl it like a stone
But all these proper gentlemen
Want me to atone
For using words they do not like
I am scolded like a child
But I am not a child,
You insipid fucks,
I can use whatever words I'd like.
Propriety is only a construct
Not a golden truth.
How delusional you must be
Too see only profanity
As you stand and denigrate me.
A word is just a word,
But even a dirty one
Is better than you.

Time

I have time to waste
Until the final taste
I might as well waste it
With you.
So much time to waste
Years that I could be alone
Reading and writing
Philosophizing
Or
Snuggling deep into you.

Gold Brown

Because I loved you
(And the gold brown of your eyes,
Orange like fire sometimes)
What I loved most was
The way they looked back at me.
No one looks at me like that anymore.

Past Present Future

Sun setting in my rearview mirror
Like the earth spinning past this year.
In front of me, a blue and pink sky
The moon hanging so high.
I am here in the present
Just breathing.
Driving toward something
And away from something else.
And it all matters
And it's all beautiful.

Strangers with Benefits

Public indecency
In a snow covered car
Hot August nights
Heating up the stars
And in the Fall
We fell together
Crashing into walls.

What if
What if you never kiss me again?

What if
What if we're not even friends?

Drunken disorderly
Flirting at the bar
After party games
I'm clearly all yours
And in the end
We fall together
Landing wherever.

What if
What if I never kiss you again?

What if
What if this is the end?

We talk like long acquaintances
How's your kid and how's your job?
I think that's all we'll ever be,
A respite from feeling lonely.
What if that is all we'll ever be?
Strangers with benefits.

Shiver

You're cold in the winter
And you can't fix what you break
But I can't stop thinking about you
It makes my bones ache.
I'm too warm, too cozy
Too soft, too here, too much.

I long to shiver from your touch.

Brittle Souls

Stiff hair,
Brittle soul.
You tried to break me
With a wooden rod,
Shame me
With your god.
Wilful child,
Too evil, too wild.
You warned me of doors
And where they would lead,
I broke through yours
And never looked back.

The Weather

So tired of hearing
About the fucking weather,
What does it matter to me?
Yeah, it's fucking cold outside
It's fucking winter, you dumbass
We don't live in California.
No, I didn't order the cold,
Don't think UPS delivers that
And the U.S.P.S. is seriously underfunded
or some shit...
And go fuck yourself.

Quotes

I've been reading quotes
By wise men all day long
And what I've found is maybe
I am both weak and strong
Right at times and others wrong.

Because they couldn't all just agree
And there's no way I could be me
Without some philosophical quandary
Bounding around my head,
Sitting in my soul like lead.

Best Part of Waking Up

Every morning for breakfast

I eat disappointment-oh's

With almond milk and sugar

I gulp it down so violently.

You came out of nowhere

Those burning eyes, that long hair

Muscular thighs, now I don't care

About breakfast anymore.

The most important meal of the day

The most important meal of the day

The most important meal of the day

Is you.

Your gold flecked eyes

Your way with lies

You are the prize

In every box of cereal

Cheap and easy

Mostly sleazy

The best part of waking up

Isn't coffee.

Accountability

Accountability is a chain reaction
-Everyone is culpable.