I Hate Florida

I hate Florida
Too much sun and sand
And the palm trees depress me
Stucco houses be damned!
I hate Florida.

Tattooed leather skins
Tobacco stained grins
And neon everything
Like all the worst parts of the 80's
In a gun shaped sauna.
I hate Florida.

Hot, humid, vaporous air
Choking me into submission.
Fat, pale tourists
Riding bicycles in thongs
Everything here is wrong.
I hate Florida.

Everyone in the Midwest loves it
But I am far above it
The afternoon monsoon
The midday decay
The lizards climbing every wall
I'd gladly forget it all,
But the sunsets really are stunning.

I still hate Florida.