Ready

If my heart were ready to find

Maybe you would have heard it

Beating for you

You would have felt it skip

When you walked in the room.

Co-Dependent

I entrusted to you

Every terrible inch

Of my heart or soul

Or whatever it is that

Makes a person a person.

I was a selfish child

Wanting only the best of your love

Always.

The most space in your life,

As much as you could give,

More.

But I wanted only what I gave

Without limit, without restriction,

Forever.

I was a foolish child.

There is no trust so free

So blind, so grand, so true

Only dependency too great

To see beyond the homes

We make of our companions.

Please

I have a cautious, guarded heart
It is so easily torn apart
So if I let down my walls
Hand you all the tools
All the deadly weaponry
You might need to destroy me
...please don't.

I want to believe your eyes
And the words you whisper
Between my thighs
So if I lay it all bare
If I give you all the keys
To bring me to my knees
...please don't.

All I can do is ask,
All I can do is plead.

Please let me believe in love
Please let it all be true
Please let me be in love with you.

Snow Day

I think I could love you
But maybe not today
The light has turned a shade of gray
Filtered through the falling snow
And I'm not ready to leave my shell
There isn't room in this hell
For two.

More

You were a thing I dreamed about
When I found what dreams were for
And then a thing I cried about
When my dreams were nothing more.

Fine

You packed up and left

Did you even look back?

Not a word said to me

When I was such a wreck

So now in my mind

You are just DEAD

And I'm done mourning

You're outta my head.

Don't worry 'bout me, I'm gonna be fine.

Has anyone seen my piece of mind?

Steady as a rock stuck firm in the ground.

You say I'm all talk, but you're not around

To pick up the pieces if I fall apart.

Don't worry 'bout me, I don't need a heart.

It's easy for me

To move on with my life

As easy as you

And your ugly ass wife

Cuz now in my mind

You are just DEAD

Your fucking snoring

Is outta my bed.

Don't worry 'bout me, I'm gonna be fine.

Has anyone seen my piece of mind?

Steady as a rock stuck firm in the ground.

You say I'm all talk, but you're not around

To pick up the pieces if I fall apart.

Don't worry 'bout me, I don't need a heart.

I'm gonna be
Fine fine fine
Even though you're not
Mine mine mine.
Just give me some
Wine,
And I'll show you I'm
FINE.

Chrysalis

You are always trying to change me,
To be my love chrysalis.
But I am not a butterfly,
And I will not rise above this.
Take me as I am or not at all.

But

I told you I loved you
Everyday
But
There was always
An addendum
Which I regret.
But
Love is love
And I meant what I said.
I love
Your face
Your voice
The ugly things you think
And feel.
I love your faults
And your talent
And the boundless energy with which
You attack life.
But
I don't love the way you want
So all you hear is
But.

Rare

You made me feel something
(how rare!)
You made me feel something
and care.
Now I am on a precipice
(on the verge,
In transition)
And there's a halo around me
A sunny disposition.
You are the dream I hide away.

Rubbery

Because you carry me in your eyes
And bring me to my knees,
A weak and rubbery thing,
I resist and push you away.
But I hope you find me again
When you have grown older,
I have grown wiser,
And the stars, they all align.

Every Star

You make me feel like
Glitter
A bright and shiny particle.
In your eyes
I sparkle
I glow.
Under your hands
I feel myself lighten
And everything grows.
Against your lips
I tighten
I thrum.
Like a drum I beat
And pulse.
I race and heat
hotter than a thousand
suns.
You make me feel like
Every star in the sky.

MOSTLY

A simple frustration
Mostly about control
And lack
And loss
And a love for a concept
For a construct of flesh
And blood
And bone
How many restless nights
Full of troubled dreams
Of you
Of me
And the silences in between.

PURGATORY

We lie to ourselves
About the state we're in
Purgatory is a place within
When we are without love.

Your girlfriend knows you love me more.
I think it shows, this love, this core.

What's the matter with me?
I can't give, not fully.
I can love, but not wholly.

We do nothing but laugh all night
Because best friends should never fight
or love too much.
Not wholly, not fully.
Not you and not me.

I love you more, I think you know
this love, this core's not safe to show.

We lie to ourselves
About the state we're in
Purgatory is a place within
When we are without love.

EVERY WORD

I have never
and would never,
but with you I try so hard
in every glance,
every word,
I love you, I love you, I love you.
There is no rhyme or reason,
there is only this demon.
There is only this filofax of ruin,
a contact list of despair,
and I can't look, I can't seek,
I can't find
anyone who compares to you
because you are my ruin, my desolation.
You make of me nothing
and you fill me with everything
and all the stars in the sky
are dim in comparison,
and it's you.
I love you, I love you, I love you,
and I try so hard to hide it,
but with every word,
with every glance
I love you, I love you, I love you.
Every word is I love you.

LOVE DIES

I saw a glimpse of Heaven
In your eyes that day.
Or maybe it was Hell?
All I know is
It made me feel less
Grey.
I watched when you thought
No one could
See.
I watched you
Watching her
Watching me.
The sky was blue
The day I held you
Close to me.
Now we hold each other
Like corpses hold a conversation.
The stench carries on the breeze
Lurid smiles adorning the
Skeletal guise.
Who knows why love dies.
I felt you more those days
When I was far away
Than I can now
Touching you,
Your hand in mine is devoid of soul.
I look in your eyes
And my Heaven (or was it Hell?)
is gone.
Pieces of you
Have died away
Have left you
Like you left me, when I let you leave me
Behind.
My voice
Which withered away in your company
Has returned to me,
But your eyes still look so lonely.
There is nothing left in your eyes for me...
Lurid smiles...
Skeletal guise...
There is nothing left in your eyes.
Who knows why love dies.