Any

Though so pretty in the breaking
You are a broken creature
So desperate for the taking
And you name her like a prayer
(sad, oft spoken)
The key to all your aching.

Just the sound of it.

Any
One will do
Now.

Fever bright and without decorum
You chase something familiar
(Any, any, any)
One to curl into.
(Any, any, any)
One to hold you tight.
(Any, any, any)
One to forget that prayer.

Just the sound of it.

I Know

Some choose to live under the sun
It's warm and tanning rays
But I have shunned the shallow fun
Of living in the bright of days.
I live mine under a million suns
Farther and deader away.

I am nothing more than so much nothing
A moon might think to dream
But sometimes I do feel a distant something
A small reflected gleam.
A howling shedding shredding
Of reality's fragile seam.

Immensity you cannot know
Looking into a blue bright sky.
What the night weaves, you rip and sew
Hunched and straining weakened eyes
Chanting always "I know, I know"
As another star somewhere dies.
Oh, how I know that bright and morbid glow.

When It's Time

When it's time
To leave this cemetery
And move to the future,
I'll write my name on a tree
And leave only cigarette ash
In Memory.

And the deadline feels so close
It's almost time, it's almost time
To shut my eyes
And imagine abundance.
But I'm tethered still
And I won't move on until...

When it's time,
I'll pack my car,
Wave goodbye to my
Hometown bar,
And leave only cigarette ash
In Memory.

Never Sorry

I never have to say I'm sorry
Because you always know me
The good, the bad, the lonely
You know I'm never sorry.

So now what's done is done
But I'm not the only one
Who didn't play nice.
You didn't play nice.

And the bad in me
Feels like the good in me
And even in misery
You know I'm never sorry.

Palaver

I'm drinking and I'm talking
But I'm not saying much
Because these people they can't
Talk like you can talk
And I'd rather palaver
All night with you.

I miss you the most
When looking to conversate
Doesn't have to be big or relate
To anything other than our little world.
But I miss you the most
When invited to someone's home
To watch them on their phones.

I'd rather
Chat with a cadaver
Than see another meme.
I'd rather palaver
Just one more night
With you.

Wane

If your body should invite me in to stay
I would be a stranger anyway
Strange to all the things I have forgotten
My memories like fruit have all gone rotten
Remembered in a different way.

The light has changed since I started this collage
With eyes like embers and hearts like cups
Lines so fine our hands were the same hands
Cupping a hearth, building an empire
Of thought and sound and ambition.

Spiders build a delicate home
In the corner where that canvas now lays
(Dusty and behind a pair of shoes)
Because starting from scratch is more appealing
Than revisiting what that picture reveals.

I wander from light-bulb to flame
With the same determination
A familiar and sweet destination
That no longer exists on this plane.
I'm a stranger in a different moon's wane.

Without

You wanted me
Torn and frayed and broken.

Now I can't look at you
Without crying.

Familiar Unknown

When I look at you
You've a face I've known my whole life
But you are a stranger to me.
Your eyes the same eyes
Watching me through childhood,
But I don't know the thought behind.
Your smile like an echo
Even your hands are hands that reached for mine
Hands that held me throughout time
It's strange to know of blood so close
And feel a stolen sort of love
Because your face is so familiar.

Ritual

Trickle lightly through my hands
Tiny grains, the finest sands
Piling into time refined
In purest form of memory.
Echoing through absent mind
Love twined thread
Beat kept palms
The rhythmic pact
The tender breathing alms.
Then merciless eventuality
Of vows ripped asunder
By the weight of eternity.

Damned If You Do

We came to this room
To decide some things
Two forces I'm in between
Too young to barter
My heart and my soul
But he wanted my decision
So I told him my choice.

The lights fled the room,
The darkness prevailed.
A power filled my lungs
As the room filled with fire.
You took full control,
Burned away my soul.

Now I feel the lick,
The pain in each step,
I feel the world and
A vicious contempt.
Your voice bellows through me
Forging my heart anew.

But I won't be an agent,
A martyr for you.
I'll be free from your traps
Til I find something true.
Through sinew and struggle
I'll carve my own map

For I let go his land
For this realm of the damned.

Eyes of Fate

Change is all around
And I don't like the sound
My conscience makes when
Our lips meet and mate
And you look at me like I'm your fate.

Couldn't we just cuddle?

Sadness

If it deadens the pain,
Lets me forget your name,
I'll gladly partake
Like you took
And lose myself for a while.

And while you prepare
For new life and fresh blood,
Old wounds will fester
And crawl through my veins,
Whiskey soaked adrenaline
Devouring what you left me with.

Speaking of which,
You left me homeless
And loveless and alone
With a sadness wrapped in rage
And it's all that warms me,
All that holds me,
All that sings me to sleep
Anymore.

Evanescent

Moving on and up and out
There is no time for rhyme or reason or doubt
Because moments are meant to be trapped in the mind
And time is meant to be fast and fleeting unkind.
You and I we exist in a memory
Evanescent, transitory
Now that the years have run
Leaving us in the webs we've spun.
We are like those tears in the rain
Existing invisibly, then never again.

Razbliuto

Razbliuto in the morning
When I wake up to your text.
You think I'm going to miss you,
But I'm wondering who's next.

Who next to walk for hours with,
Who next to lie under the stars,
Who next to swing in parks at night,
Who next to close down all the bars.

Once I held a torch,
A fire, a flame, a brazier,
But now it has all gone away,
With love I have grown lazier.

Cutting

How to cut you out of my heart:

Step 1. Mark the location in which you reside
Step 2. Anesthetize
Step 3. Ready the scalpel, wield it steady
Step 4. Don't cut too deep, but be sure nothing remains
Step 5. Mark as medical waste and throw away.

If only If only I could get past Step 2.
I'd finally be rid of you.
No residual pain
After I healed again.
No vacuum left over
From your hasty retreat.
No vacuous lover
No memory ridden street.

Blessed are those who need never remember
What they try so hard to forget.
No lump in the throat or knot in the stomach
Just an instantaneous reset.

Robotic Lover

I'll be your perfect lover
You'll never find another
I'll smile nice, make you feel
Convince you it's all real.
But soon enough you'll find proof
I'm just a facsimile of the truth.

I can compute the perfect equation
To make you + me work out
But underneath this fleshy shell
I am cold hard
Calculating machine
And binary heart.

In my eyes there is emotion
You could almost believe
But Cylons were built expressly
Meant to sooth and deceive.

I am your robotic lover
I can execute all your fantasies
You will never want another
I know each and every way to please.

I'll be your love android
I'm programmed with Sigmund Freud.
He'd tell you it's all relative...
It's all my father's fault.

*Continuing the laziness of being in a creative funk, I'm posting another poem I found in an old notebook. Seems like it needs a more concrete ending, but I've got nothing. For now.

Chrysalis

You are always trying to change me,
To be my love chrysalis.
But I am not a butterfly,
And I will not rise above this.
Take me as I am or not at all.

Claustrophobic

I can't always be by your side
Your intensity makes me run and hide
I'd like some time on my own
I won't live always tethered home
To your ball and chain around my neck

I won't sit quietly in your shadow
And be your little love slave
I won't be always at your beck and call
And be your little love slave
It seems repetitive and tragic
We've lost our chemical magic
And I'm feeling rather claustrophobic
At your side.

You tell me you can't sleep without me
Soft and warm beside you every night
You say that you can't live without me
To kiss and hold you tight

You've become a little too intense
Love defying common sense
For my commitment-phobic nature

Your pleading eyes say "love me, love me"
But I don't think I can
Your every caress says "love you, love you"
I shrink away and into myself.


*Wrote this some time ago about a friend's clingy girlfriend. Found it in a notebook randomly, so decided to post it.

But

I told you I loved you
Everyday
But
There was always
An addendum
Which I regret.
But
Love is love
And I meant what I said.
I love
Your face
Your voice
The ugly things you think
And feel.
I love your faults
And your talent
And the boundless energy with which
You attack life.
But
I don't love the way you want
So all you hear is
But.

Heavenly Body

Her body itself is a song
She bends the note
She makes it float
Levitating, undulating
She wields the power
And all men cower
And long for just the name
Of her symphony, sing for me
Higher and higher
She dances on a wire
Above us all among the stars.